Loving ones self...

No fancy editing, or fun links on this one. Just being real about loving myself and I don't want to jive it all up with pretty little fonts and crap, just not in the mood. Please do comment on this if you are reading it, I would love to know how anyone thinks about this topic with regards to themselves. Thanks

I have had a lot of tests lately that have really made me look inside and say "hey, just how much love is in here?".

These moments have been happening more and more to the point that I really really now know that I need to pay more attention to it.

Do I love myself? In a word, yes. But there are parts of me, defeatist mentalities that would say otherwise. Those parts are so hard to shut off. I am trying to realize the necessity in not being active at "trying to shut them off" but in working for the change I want (i.e. looking in a damn mirror once in a while and saying "I love you").

Encouragement: This is a biggie for me. I LOVE giving encouragement, it is one thing that I think I have worked on over the years that I really really like about me. I have an amazing time being sincere. I love sincerity! In fact, I will say that my most sincere moments in life have been my best. Now, when you are decent at something, you look for it in others I imagine, cause that's what I do. I love encouraging words from others! I LOVE them! I used to ask others to not encourage me, cause I had some twisted mentality about it only boosting my ego... I'm over that, I realize that it doesn't work like that at all for me. It simply helps me distinguish what the word sees as good in my life, and that is very encouraging information to know, it helps me! :-)

Anyhow, ultimately, I now know that I need to tell myself I love me more. I need to tell others that I love how I love them too. Sometimes it is funny how people react when you tell them that, simply cause they are not told much by anyone... But I will still tell them.

I suppose when it comes down too it, loving myself in the right way is loving God that He created me. Loving the part of me that is God manifested in me... Wow. Thanks God.

Thanks for reading this post- I love you!

wRITE bAcK aT It AgAiN

Hello Again Blog!

My poor neglected friend.

First off, my apologies for not writing on you for so long, but hey- I had some things to figure out and felt it necessary to take a break, even though blessings were comin through on all sides this whole time. I won't list them here all specifically, except to say that showers of bounty have poured on all sides.

Basically I am SoAkEd. (thanks God)

SO.

There are women (I bolded that word for a reason) in my life that have helped me to see LIGHT.

I thank you.

Equally, but on a different plain, there are those men who have shed that same LIGHT.

I thank you.

Check this:

“The more we search for ourselves, the less likely we are to find ourselves; and the more we search for God, and to serve our fellow-men, the more profoundly will we become acquainted with ourselves, and the more inwardly assured. This is one of the great spiritual laws of life.”

(From a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi to an individual believer, February 18, 1954)

How amazing is that?

So, I will strive to serve

the Cause and know that

I will understand myself

better as a byproduct of

that service. So blessed

to have all these writings

in our lives.

So blessed.

I have been encountering a ton of tests lately.

I

feel

like

they

are

showering

down

on

me.

And I am soo happy (mostly) that in the midst of them (at times)

I am becoming more and more aware of the necessity to

be thankful for this time and these tests (instead of scared).

For if we are given food by our Creator that offers us strength,

focus (and a little/lotta pain), who are we to not be grateful (or fearful)?

Now- to be real, I totally know I am not the grateful human

that God is giving tests too all the time; probably more often

than not, I'll be the first to admit. At times I feel myself

kick and scream, mope and whine, get angry and upset over

situations... Then there are those moments where the Sun of Reality

shines on the situation and you sense your abilities and you

realize the great origin of the test and you become encumbered

with a feeling of thankfulness that you had never previously known...

I love that moment.

The following is worth the read... I assure you.

...To the sincere ones,tests are as a gift from God,

the Exalted, for a heroic person hasteneth, with the

utmost joy and gladness, to the tests of a violent

battlefield, but the coward is afraid and trembles

and utters moaning and lamentation. Likewise, an

expert student prepareth and memorizeth his lessons

and exercises with the utmost effort, and in the day of

examination he appeareth with infinite joy before the

master. Likewise, the pure gold shineth radiantly in

the fire of tests. Consequently, it is made clear that for

holy souls, trials are as the gift of God, the Exalted; but

for weak souls they are an unexpected calamity. This

test is just as thou hast written: it removeth the rust

of egotism from the mirror of the heart until the Sun

of Truth may shine therein. For, no veil is greater than

egotism and no matter how thin that covering may be,

yet it will finally veil man entirely and prevent him

from receiving a portion from the eternal bounty.

(Bahá’í World Faith—Selected Writings of Bahá’u’lláh and ‘Abdu’l-Bahá - ‘Abdu’l-Bahá Pages 371-372)

In closing- Thanks for the tests God, however much I may kick and scream. These blessings are totally helpful and I pray that my capacity increases to handle more difficult tests, however scared I may be to say this to You.

-me

m.e.d.i.t.a.t.i.o.n.

(Minihaha Falls, Minneapoils Winter 2009)

MEDitation...

"The inspiration received through

meditation is of a nature that one

cannot measure or determine. God

can inspire into our minds things

that we had no previous knowledge

of, if He desires to do so."

meDI-TAtion...

"...There are no set forms of meditation

prescribed in the teachings, no plan,

as such, for inner development. The

friends are urged--nay enjoined--to

pray, and they also should meditate,

but the manner of doing the latter is

left entirely to the individual...

mediTAtion...

"The inspiration received through meditation is of a

nature that one cannot measure or determine. God

can inspire into our minds things that we had no

previous knowledge of, if He desires to do so."

MeditaTION...

"The believers should not be required to use

prayer beads nor should they be prevented

from doing so, as the Teachings do not contain

any specific instructions on the subject."

MMMeditation...

I am completely intrigued by the lack of need for any ritual for meditation in the Baha'i Faith... When I read the Baha'i writings on this topic I feel them saying (even though these are clearly my own words) "don't adhere to some ritual of meditation, BUT meditate none the less!"...

WHY?

I wonder in His infinite Vision He sees

that there are far more effective ways

of meditation than we know, and unless

it is Religious Law by Baha'u'llah to NOT

adhere to one form, maybe we will never

find it...

WHO knows?

God I suppose...

huh. *sigh*

LINK TO ALL QUOTES ON THIS PAGE

Humil-a-what?

I live in America.

I was born here.

I have grown up in a culture of competition.

I have been raised in a culture of singularity.

"It is good to be a LEADER" they would say.

"It is good to advance beyond others [at their expense]." was my upbringing in school.

Have it your way.

Self and passion were the mantra.

Hold your horses, mister!

I don't like this.

I don't blame "america" for my ego- Don't get it twisted.

I take responsibility for my abilities, and my inabilities.

I DO wish for unity and progress through collective action.

I DO wish and pray and work for -one world-

I feel like America has given me the mentality to use "I" and "me" as much as I have in this blog...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Acquiring humility calls for the rejection of both guilt—the paralyz-

ing, harsh judgment of the failure to live up to the standard—and com-

placency—the reinterpretation of the standard, lowering it to suit per-

sonal comfort and preferences. The Guardian’s words that “our past is

not the thing that matters so much in this world as what we intend to do

with our future” help us to overcome feelings of guilt. And we can avoid

complacency by always acknowledging the truth of the divine standard

raised by Bahá’u’lláh, upholding it under all circumstances, and refusing

to compromise it with the commonly accepted standards of our time."

(Creating A New Mind by Paul Lample pg 13)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Peace.

(note: It was not until after having written that last par that it was realized just how many times "I" and "me" were used and decided to include the orange line... Just wanted you to know that, as it is a testiment to the point, in and of itself. ALSO- I am at a coffee shop. When arriving I realized there were many people I know here including family I haven't seen for some time- and I am busy blogging... Ok, that IS what I came here for, but I do think I could be more flexible with things especially when my brother and Anna are RIGHT here. Ok, I am going to peace out and talk to them)

*struggles to loose impending guilt and complacency*

Post Fast blues...

I don't know if it is the eating during the day now, or not saying Fasting prayers with Cindy each morning, or just something I have made up in my mind, but I sure am feeling

pretty wiped out by the Fast or maybe I am feeling wiped out by still having

to deal with the tests that came up during Fast, while I am not fasting

anymore... huh... Yeah I think it is the second one. Yeah, I do.

And don't get me wrong...

I am not talking about the physical side of

the fast, that was fine, and I feel good about

being able to drink water in the morning,

even if it is after sunrise!! But for some

reason I seem to "got the blues".

Yesterday I hung out with amazing people,

hands down. I had a great time at a children's

class. There were many prayers said at the two

devotionals I went too... All in all, there was no

reason for me to not be SUPER HAPPY

even if I were to just rate my day on the PeOpLe

I was around!!

Oh well, guess I'll just chalk it up to being "post Fast blues".

The blessing I am pointing too in this blog you ask?

Blessing # 783,456,322-

The ability to reason

and realize why I am

feeling a certain way.

Now that I have written this, I realize that I need to make sure to not just stop with the intensity of my prayers just cause it isn't Fast anymore... Maybe I need to schedule in some time for God, ALL THE TIME... learning better to recognize Him in all others.

I have to admit, there is a certain part of me

which is also really exhausted by having a

long distance relationship for these past 6

months. I am excited that Cindy is coming

home soon! That makes me happy, but

man-oh-man it has been a long road that

we have had to take by virtue of the fact

that she had this job in France and we didn't

have any other choice. All in all, I am totally

glad we had the time apart for certain

personal growth that we both had that

may have not been accomplished otherwise...

I digress. These are my thoughts.

PLEASE COMMENT and let me know your thoughts.

Maybe you have "post Fast blues"?

Maybe you have in the past?

Let me know.

Blessing # 843,251,989,983 Chocolate from Cindy.

So, I know that my last

few posts have been

much more serious,

and that they have been

far more involved. Today

I decided to make another

entry highlighting my latest

blessing.

First a little Background:

Case File # 483

Cynthia Long

Age: 23

Location: Nancy, France

Sex: The coolest woman ALIVE (hands down)

Attributes: Patience, Kindness, Love, Understanding, Persistance

Skills: Ninja costume wearing skills,

Cooking skills,

Picking out the best chocolate ever skills,

Nurturing children

Translating languages (French to English/English to French)

The list goes on and on

Background file continued on page # 677

SO.

What is the blessing I speak of? Well probably getting chocolate from Cindy (see photos for proof)!! Oh, and if you live in the Twin Cities area, I may be willing to do a little sharing, call me up!

:-)

#1 photo- "mine"

# 2 photo- "mmm smells gooooood"

#3 photo- "proof."

The problem with this gift you ask??

None really, it's just that today is the last day of the Bahá'í Fast, and all though I did open them up to get a couple of quick smells (hey that isn't cheating, right?) I have to wait until 7:26 pm... ugh.

LOL

No problem... I can wait.

THANKS CINDY!!!