And then there were friends...

# 1 blessing for today: I called Mom today. We talked.

It was good. She is such a source of encouragement.

# 2 blessing for today: Facing hard truths. Met them head on. Wrote some things to someone that I needed to say, then deleted them right after, cause even though I needed to say them, they weren't really things that I truly know that person needed to hear.

# 3 blessing for today: Emotions. I tried to cry a

little bit cause I felt like I was a little overwhelmed from last

nights events on my previous blog entry, but then I realized

I feel like I do best when I am honest with myself and let

myself be strong. I feel like something somewhere tells me

that I am not supposed to be "able to handle" hard situations

or something, not true. I have been through some shit (sorry

for swearing mom), I will say that for real, and I have really

grown from it. At some point you have to start giving yourself

a little friggin' recognition for the stuff you have seen and the

growth that has come from it, and allow yourself to be the

strong person you have become, CAUSE YOU ARE! I won't

lie- that felt really good to write.

# 4 blessing for

today: Great friends/

great times. I am so happy

that I can be such good friends

with Cindy, even though we are

not in a relationship anymore.

I am happy she came over

tonight and hung out,

she is a really great friend

to have. I am also happy that

Emily, my sister, has been up in

the cities a couple of times now in

the past couple of weeks, she is really

great- totally love that she is my sister

(thanks God). Also, Marjan, who is a

totally hilarious, great person who

is blunt and honest, but knows

when to show her loving,

kind heart. Fano- this guy

came over too, great friend,

hands down. So great. So

fun. So loving. Dominique,

what a light in anyones life!

Seriously! I was so pumped

that she could come over

on such short notice.

And of course there was

Shannon, my roommate.

I love this guy! I think he is so

insightful, rare, and genuine.

A friggin' ball of laughs too!

So glad he moved here from

Chi-town to grace us with

his presence! Then after all

those great people, the cherry

on top? Roshan, of course! He comes

to town every week for a couple days of

class and crashes at our place here and

there, I love when he is able too, what a

great friend. I love being able to talk to him,

hear about his life. Tonight we watched "I Love

You, Man" together- great time! Great group of friends!

Best part, I have so many other friends up here, by the grace

of God, that I didn't get to see tonight that are just as much as

beautiful and part of my life! Hope to see you all soon!

# 5 blessing for today:

My bed. I loved coming in my

room to finish this entry tonight,

such a comfortable bed.

Such a great home.

I am truly blessed.

Truly.

Waiting for life can suck...

Today my father was called by his hospital who said at 11am "We will call you around 6pm tonight and let you know if it will work, but we do have a liver that by all our indications is a good match for you, we just need to assess it's health and make sure that it will last a long time by running various tests first" or something to that effect. Well, it is 5:59 pm and they haven't called yet... kinda nerve racking. I am hoping they call soon and interrupt this blog so it has a happy ending, but I am not holding my breath. I totally don't mean that in a negative way, it's just that without practicing I can only hold it for like 80 seconds.

The clock just chimed...

(6:01pm) Mom just got a phone call. False alarm. It was grandma calling to see if "they" have called yet. Dad says he feels at peace apparently, that is good. Mom and I just got done saying prayers. She said the prayer for husbands... wow. What a touching moment.

(6:02) Still no call. I hope they do call soon... this sucks, if you want to know the honest truth! lol

(6:03) Still no call... blogging is helping pass the time, or is it :-/

(6:04) Mom is digging around in stuff that she has packed, presumably keeping her hands busy while her mind is on one thing. Dad's life.

(6:05) I would love it if they would let me fly out there with them. If my dad, God forbid, didn't make it, it would sure be lonely for my Mom until one of us kids got there... I love my siblings... My sister came this morning and helped them with a few things with her husband, then I showed up and tag-teamed in for support, I love this family. My little brother is in Chi-town and my sister is on the West Cost for now, hope they can find some comfort in prayer and family where they are. Funny thing is that it is just as nerve wracking being here or being miles away, I know I have been in their shoes before. My father has had other calls for "possible livers" by virtue of this blog being written, I imagine you can guess the outcome of those close calls...

(6:08) Mom is still re-packing. Dad is playing scrabble on the computer... funny. I love to see faith play out in different people. He is just sitting there playing his game like it was any other day, maybe he is over it by now. The edge of your seat-ness (if you will, why not, I did) that this can put on a person...

(6:10) Mom sat down for a second, then got up and took out her laptop she just packed. I think she is going to go hang out in another room and surf the net or something... maybe play mahjong... who knows.

(6:12) No one has called yet... I can feel my nerves settle as the minutes pass... Funny, at this time tomorrow, I might have a father with a new life expectancy... *pause*...

(6:14) A couple of times ago, they called, actually chartered an $7,000 jet for him to Pittsburgh (that's where the hospital is) and as he was showering to get the surgery, they came in and told him that the liver was bad... holy crap, what a buzz kill.

(6:15) Dad is done with scrabble, now it is off to coming in the living room, sitting in his electric recliner, yawning and passing the moments with the tapping of two overly swollen feet... your body can easily retain a lot of water when you have stage 3 liver failure... most of the time you can't wear regular shoes... crazy how adaptable to situation we humans can be, cause I think one day of his life would have me begging for mercy... then again it just isn't my test I suppose...

(6:18) Mom just came back in the room. Dad appears to be snoozing and yawns again... Mom takes the dog outside, hopefully the last time she will be doing that for the next 2 months (that's the estimated time he would need for full recovery in Pittsburgh).

(6:20) Dog just came back in. Hopefully they call soon. Apparently mom is reading up on donating facts "Kidneys can last 24-48 hours! Lungs 2-4, wow!"

(6:21) Dad speaks up about a guy that he met that had a liver/lung transplant that took some 5-6 months to recover.

(6:22) It feels good that they are talking now about some things and laughing a little here and there. It isn't nervous laughter either... I hope for their sake.

(6:23) Me: "maybe you could call them"

Mom: "when you call the hospital transplant number you just get an answering machine"

Me: "did you leave a message?"

Mom: "Hu-uh. They called from another number this morning though."

Me: "Maybe you can call that number?"

Mom: "No, they will call us when they are ready"

Dad: "You could just call them"

Mom picks up the phone and starts looking up the number

(6:26) my fingers are crossed, mom is calling them now.... Mom leaves a message cause they didn't pick up... "That's always how it goes, I don't know why" Dad says.

(6:28) Dad: "At least she answered." Apparently having an overload of ammonia in your brain can make you say weird things that don't fit the situation.

(6:29) Mom spouts off some more facts about liver transplants, seems to calm us both... we laugh a bit over some silly things...

(6:31) I totally think this waiting sucks... more waiting ensues...

(6:42) I stepped out to eat an energy bar and drink some water. My dad can't eat or drink so we are trying to eat "behind his back" so to speak so we have the energy to go through this, even if he doesn't. Apparently while I was away no one called but my little sister and my Grandma again. Grandma wasn't calling for news, she called to give it, and here's the scoop: "Extreme Make-over: Home Edition is on at 7pm. They are doin' a house up in the [Twin] Cities" I laugh.

(6:46) Mom turns the TV on to "funniest home videos"... that's what we call it here. I can't stand that show...

(6:50) I contemplate God and tests... yeah. It'll be ok...

(6:59) 9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...

(7:00) the clock chimes again. At least Extreme Make-over is on, that show can take my parents minds off of a plague!

(7:10) Commercial break. Dang, it captures my attention too... dad is tapping is feet still... no doubt waiting...

(7:13) Grandma calls to apologize, it is a family from Missouri. Apparently it is my Aunt's fault. She thought she heard it on the radio... oh well... They are a great family... 6 kids, a small one bedroom house... no good.

(7:16) The call- "We did a biopsy on the liver and it was no good."

(7:17) I go get Dad a glass of water and while I am in the kitchen I cry a couple of tears, dry my eyes and go get him his water. He is TOTALLY thirsty from a day with no water!

(7:19) The waiting ensues...

Mood: Content.

I am so thankful for the way God works. I really am.

Ups and downs... peaks and valleys...

I feel like I am learning so much... maybe I need to learn to go to sleep earlier.

Anyhow, I have had good reasons

in the last week to laugh and cry.

I have chosen to take full advantage

of both. Through it all, I really want

to thank God for the blessing of His

presence in my life. It has been

seriously difficult, even as much as

it is helping be, after all we grow

from our tests and difficulties, right?

Thank you to all my friends too...

You mean so much to me. So much.

Also, my Mom is great too, really really great!